By Wallaceb Ron: Ah. Kim: So, Ron. You're just gonna chill all summer? Ron: "Chillin'", as you put it, is for amateurs Kim. I'm marinating. Kim: Marinating? Ron: Marinating: Relaxation for the professional. Mr. Dr P: Ready to roll, Kimmie? Ron: Roll? No one said anything about rolling. Kim: Road trip to visit my Uncle Slim. Ron: Okay. I'll be here when you get back. Kim: In Montana. Ron: Montana? Okay. I'll be here when you get back. Mr. Dr P: Long time since we visited the old Lazy C Ranch. Ron: Lazy? I'm simpatico with lazy. Kim: Well, my Mom has to work. You wanna come with? Ron: Let me consult my marination advisor. Up for Montana, buddy? Rufus: Yee-haw! Ron: Okay, let's get lazy. Mr. Dr P: Here you go, Ronald. Toss these in the car. Ron: This does not bode well for the Ron-ster. Shego: Bill, bill, bill... What is this? Drakken: That's for me. Dear Mr. Drakken... It's Dr. Drakken, you dolts! Thank you for your application... Blast! Rejected again! Drakken: Shego! Shego: "Cerebellum Ultra-Smart Super Genius Thinking Society?" Are you kidding me? Drakken: Give it! Shego: Whoa, whoa... and they won't let you join? Drakken: No, and it vexes me to the bone! They have fun singles mixers, and fabulous cruises to nowhere, and their newsletter has the most fiendishly clever word jumbles. Shego: Oh, come on. Why do you want to join some super dorky club? Drakken: To prove that I'm brillianter than a lot of them! Shego: "Brillianter"? Drakken: Most smartest. Whatever. I'm a scientific genius, not a englist. Shego: "Linguist". Drakken: Stop that! I need to invent something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful... Shego: So close. Drakken: ...that no one can deny me my place at the head of the genius table. Shego: If you sat at the doofus table, you'd have a lock. Drakken: Doofus table, I'll give you... Shego! Wait! That's it! Shego: What's it? Drakken: Ow! The answer is not to build myself up, it's to knock the competition down. Shego: Boop, boop, boop. Stupid idea alert. Drakken: Precisely, Shego. Mr. Dr P: Okay kids, we’re here. Ron: The Lazy C. The lazy me should fit right in. Rufus: Oh, yeah! Kim: Ron, Uncle Slim's ranch is a working ranch. Ron: What? I thought it was a dude ranch. For dudes, like me. Jim: Giddyap, dad! Tim: We wanna start ropin' 'n ridin'! Slim: Hey, Squirt! Mr. Dr P: Come on, Slim. Don't call me that in front of the kids. Tweebs: Squirt! Slim: Where's my favorite sister-in-law? Mr. Dr P: She got stuck working double shift at the hospital, so we brought Ronald instead. Ron: Howdy, partner. Rufus: Howdy! Slim: How'd your prairie dog lose its hair? Rufus: Hmmph! Slim: Feisty little fella. Kim: Where's Joss? She e-mailed me right before the trip about some big surprise. Slim: Well, Joss is going through a phase. Mr. Dr P: What kind of phase? Slim: She's got herself a hero that she absolutely idolizes. Mr. Dr P: Ah, It's great to have heroes. For me, it was Vlad Lukovic, of Hydraulic Servo-Actuator fame. Man, Could that guy build spacecraft! Used to write to him when I was Joss's age. Never wrote back. So, who's Joss's Vlad Lukovic? Joss: I can do anything! Slim: Your daughter. Joss: 'Cause I'm just like you, Kim. Kim: Ah... wow! Ron: Oh, yeah! Can I mosey or what? Ahh! Jim: Are you afraid of horses? Ron: Me, afraid? Yes. Tim: It's not a real horse, it's just a robot. Kim: That's the kind of horse he fears most of all. Ron: It was ten years ago, out in front of Smarty Mart. I lost two baby teeth that day. Changes a guy. Kim: Ron, you gotta get past this. Joss: Yeah, just be like Kim. She's not afraid of nothin'. Ron: Kid, if being like Kim was that easy, I would a done it a long time ago. Joss: You can try. Ron: Fine. Nice robot horse... Nice robot... Slim: Sorry about that. Old Tornado still has some glitches in his get-along. Mr. Dr P: Outstanding work, Slim. Is he cybertronic? Slim: Yep. Runs on a solar-powered self-perpetuating power core. Ron: Mmm-hmm. Ya know, that's exactly what I said to Rufus. Right? Rufus: Oh, yeah. Slim: Hey Squirt, you wanna hit the general store with me? Gotta get some supplies. Mr. Dr P: Sure. You boys behave while I'm gone. Tim: Whatever you say... Jim: Squirt. Mr. Dr P: Kimmie, you're in charge. Kim: Okay, dad. Joss: Come on, I got all kinds of stuff I wanna show ya. Kim: Uh, cool. Slim: Where'd they move those habaneras to? Mr. Dr P: If you fixin' to rustle us up some of your five-alarm chow, I'm gonna be one happy camper! Slim: Ain't no "campers" out in these parts. Mr. Dr P: Oh, right. Buckaroos. Slim: Squirt, you're the best brother a fella could have, but you are a tinhorn, bad as the other fellas they been bringin' in. Mr. Dr P: What fellas? Ramesh: Possible? Mr. Dr P: Ramesh! Ramesh: I was wondering when we'd see your sorry self here. Of course, I'm being jocular when I say "sorry self." Mr. Dr P: Gotcha. This is my big brother, Slim Possible. Slim: Howdy. Mr. Dr P: Hold up there, Ramesh. Why did you expect me? Ramesh: The Wild West Science Fest. Are you padres ready? Mr. Dr P: Uh, I'm in the dark here. Slim: Some meeting of the minds they're havin' at the Crooked D. Ramesh: Only the greatest scientific minds around the world were invited. Mr. Dr P: And I wasn't invited. Ramesh: Ooh... my bad. Well, we better be getting back to the other super geniuses. Um, toodles. Slim: What happened to Squirt, the happy camper? Mr. Dr P: Oh, it's no big deal. I'd rather spend time with you than a bunch of tinhorns, really. Ramesh: Yee-haw! Mr. Dr P: Just wish I knew why I didn't make the cut. Drakken: Are they all here? Shego: Yes, all the poindexters on your list are here. So, now what? Drakken: Prepare yourself, Shego. For soon, these so-called geniuses will be yesterday's news. I, Dr. Drakken, will be the most brilliant scientific mind on the planet! Shego: Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and put this plan in the failed column right now. Kim: Joss, I don't know what to say. Ron: Er the word "obsession" comes to mind. Joss: Isn't it spankin'? Kim: Totally. I'm... I'm flattered. Ron: You're a little light on the sidekick here Joss. Joss: I'd say Wade is a lot more than a sidekick, mister! He runs Kim's website, builds all them gadgets, he keeps the whole operation running! Ron: I'm talking about me. Joss: Who? Ron: The sidekick. Joss: Huh? Ron: Usually acts in a support/distraction role? Joss: Not ringing any bells. Ron: Ron Stoppable? Joss: Never heard of ya. But you must be proud to be a friend of my cousin's. Ron: Oh, you probably don't recognize me without my trusty naked mole rat! Rufus: Ta-da! Joss: Rufus! Ron: Now it's coming back to ya. Joss: I know everything about every one of Kim's adventures, so I know how many times you saved the day! Ron: And I'm always right there. The guy with the pocket that Rufus comes out of. Joss: Oh, yeah. You're the one who's always losin' his drawers. Ron: Oh, come on, it's only been six or eight times. Slim: Sent a little bird up a couple years ago, so I got an eye on the whole spread. Mr. Dr P: Oh, satellite, huh? So I guess you could take a look at the eh... Slim: The Crooked D? Mr. Dr P: Yeah, where the tinhorn brainiacs are. Slim: You know, Squirt, I'm pretty handy with the cutting-edge tech myself, but I'm nowhere near as smart as you. Mr. Dr P: Oh, now, Slim... I'm, I’m not that smart. Slim: 'Course you are, and you know it. Doesn't matter who else knows it. Mr. Dr P: I'd just like to know who put together the guest list. Drakken: Ladies and gentlemen! You may now put on your hats and become official buckaroos and buckarettes! Ramesh: Yippie ki-yay! My own ten-liter hat. I am most eager to rope 'em up and ride 'em out! The farmer in the dell. The farmer in the dellHi, ho, the dairy-oh The farmer in the dell. I love these cowboy songs! Shego: Wow. They're acting so... so… Drakken: Silly? Shego: Not the word I would use, but Ok. Drakken: It's because they're wearing my new invention: The silly hat. Anyone who wears one of these hats will act as silly as... Shego: Your outfit? Drakken: I happen to feel muy macho, thank you very much. Anyway, with the world's most brilliant people incapacitated... Shego: You start looking pretty smart. Drakken: I will be the greatest mind on the planet, because the rest will be reduced to babbling buffoons! Kim: Well, I hate to brag, but it was pretty exciting, that time Drakken had a giant laser drill. Joss: In the world's largest cheese wheel, which was not a cheese- covered building, it was really made of cheese! Kim: Yeah. That time. You know all about the mission, huh? Ron: Hey! Here I am! See, when we busted Duff Killigan in Tokyo, that's me in the background there, see? Rufus: No. Sorry. Ron: Wha...? Oh, you're right. It's a Japanese schoolgirl. Kim: Here's one I don't usually talk about but, since you're a fan, there was a top secret thing called the Centurion Project... Joss: Which Drakken and Killigan wanted, but got stuck on you, and whenever you lied the Centurion battle armor grew and spread all over your body. Boy, howdy! I bet that's a Halloween nobody in Middleton will ever forget! Ron: Was that Halloween? I thought it was a big groundhog day's adventure? Kim: How about when Shego... Joss: Tutored Senor Senior, Jr. How to be a bad guy. Kim: Or when Drakken... Joss: Stole a weather machine. Kim: Ah, you know what? Let's forget about me for a minute. Let's talk about you. Joss: Sure! Kim: What are you into? Joss: You. Kim: Okay... Ron: I'll mosey somewhere else. Rufus: Later! Kim: Let's go outside and do something. Joss: You got it! Kim: Here's an idea. Why don't you decide what we do? Joss: I have got a great idea! Kim: Excellent. What do you wanna do? Joss: Whatever you wanna do. Kim: Oh… Mr. Dr P: Just a few adjustments to the satellite surveillance system... And... Ron: Whatcha doin', Mr. Dr. P? Mr. Dr P: Not spying on the wild west science fest. I can tell you. Ron: Hey, isn't that your pal, Professor Ramesh? Mr. Dr P: It is. Ron: That's one strange square dance. Mr. Dr P: Bet it's a square root dance. Ron: Which is... what? Mr. Dr P: I don't know, but it's the sort of thing the smartest people in the world would do. I don't care if I wasn't invited, I'm going over to the Crooked D. Ron: Count me in. It's gotta be better than hanging out with the Never Heard of Ron fan club. Joss: I mean, I know Dr. Drakken is your arch foe, but it seems to me Shego's the really dangerous one. I mean, if she put her mind to do it, she could be the toughest villain out there, don't you think? Kim? Kim? Kim!!! Kim: Wade? Wade: Hey, Kim. Kim: Please tell me that someone somewhere needs me to do something. Wade: What's the static? Kim: My little cousin is my number one fan. Wade: Aww, how sweet! Kim: Well, at first, but I can't take it anymore. She won't leave me alone. Wade: That's the price of fame. You won't believe what it's like for me when I go the computer store. Joss: I wonder where she could got to. Kim: I'm serious, Wade. She's so gotta get a life. Preferably, her own. Kim: Oh, no! Wade: She heard you? Kim: She so heard me. Mr. Dr P: Something's not right. They're acting like a bunch of goofs. Ron: Dr. P, sometimes you gotta let your hair down and get loose! You know what, maybe some boundaries are being crossed here. Mr. Dr P: What is wrong with you, man? Henchman#1: What's going on down there? Henchman#2: Looks like trouble. Better report it fast. Henchman#1: Hombre 1 to Drakken. We have varmints. Drakken: We have what? Varmints? What is a varmint? Shego, here, you speak hombre. Shego: Give me that. Howdy, hombre. What in tarnation is a'goin' on? ...Looks like we got us some varmints. Drakken: What does that mean?! Kim: Hey, um... I'm sorry. I mean, it was so nice that you picked me to be your hero, and I end up being a total jerk. Joss: It's not your fault. Kim: It is. It really is. I mean, you're... Joss: Just a nobody, stuck here in the middle of nowhere. Kim: Joss, I was just a nobody. I mean, not a nobody. Nobody's a "nobody." Everybody's somebody, right? Joss: Is this supposed to make me feel better? Kim: I'm just a regular person. I'm into cheerleading, and boys... sometimes, you know, regular stuff. Joss: You do incredible stuff. You save the world! Kim: Joss, I'm just, you know, me. That's all I ever try to be. And it turned out that sometimes being me is enough to save the world. Joss: Yeah! And that's why being you is so cool! Kim: Try being you. It'll be even cooler. Joss: Doubt it. Slim: Kim! You best get down here. Both: What's the sitch? Joss: Oops. Sorry. Kim: No big. Kim: Ron and dad? Joss: Captured by Shego! That means your arch foe is next door. Spankin'! Kim: Joss, it is not spankin'. It's serious. Joss: But nothing ever happens 'round here. This is major! Kim: That's what I'm afraid of. Drakken: So, we've got a new team here. The genius and the lack-wit. Ron: Don't let him call you a lack-wit! Mr. Dr P: Whatever your evil scheme is, Lipsky, it won't work. Drakken: A-ha, but it already has. And all prisoners will refer to me as Dr. Drakken. Mr. Dr P: You'll always just be Drew Lipsky, the science student who couldn't make the grade. Drakken: I will now. You see, Possible, I've adjusted the curve. Mr. Dr P: You gathered the greatest minds on the planet here, so you could alter their intelligence and make yourself seem smarter. Ron: A-ha! How's he doing that? Drakken: That's for me to know and you to find out. Mr. Dr P: It's obviously those cowboy hats. They probably contain some hidden circuitry that alters brain wave efficacy. Drakken: You Possible’s take the fun out of everything! Shego: It runs in the family. There's a Possible posse heading into town! Slim: Looks like they're expecting us. That's a passel of hombres. Joss: Do we take 'em? Kim: Gotta remember, Joss. Tweebs: Anything's possible for a Possible! Kim: Let's ride. Jim: Hicka-bicka-boo? Tim: Hy-Hoo-sha! Slim: You know what's nice about robot horses, partner? Magna-hooves. Shego: Yah! Henchmen: Oof! Kim: Hang on, Joss. I'll bust out Dad and Ron. Joss: So not the drama. Ooh! Shego: Thanks, kid. Couldn't have done it better myself. Joss: This is all my fault. Slim: Well, l'il darlin', now you can't just go imitatin' everything you see cousin Kim doing. Mr. Dr P: Don't blame yourself, Joss. It's my fault for being such a nosey parker. Kim: Dad... Ron: Kim, the man's a nosey parker. Kim: Ron! Ron: Fear not. We've got this escape in the pocket. Rufus: Gotcha! Ron: Rufus. Kangaroo rat! Joss: He did it! Drakken: You actually fell for the whole "key near the cell door" ruse? And you're not even wearing the silly hats! Ron: Good hustle anyway, buddy. Mr. Dr P: I just want to know one thing about your evil plan, Lipsky. Drakken: Well, I do like to gloat about the nuances of my schemes. Fire away. Mr. Dr P: If you gathered the greatest minds on the planet, why did you leave me out? Drakken: Because you're a Possible! You people are such pests! Slim: Yep. Drakken: What was that? Slim: What? Drakken: That "boop boop." Slim: Oh, that. Twern't nothing. That was just me activating Old Tornado. Drakken: Is that all? Well, never mind, then. Wait. Who is "Old Tornado"? Mr. Dr P: That's my big brother. Drakken: Good horsy! What's he doing? Ron: See? The little pony outside Smarty Mart could never do that. Slim: Yep. Old Tornado is one of a kind. Kim: Come on. Let's get Drakken. Shego: Oh, I'll take that. Kim: Hang on, Ron. Ron: Little horsy, come back! Shego: This is good time fun. Kim: Give me the remote, Shego. Shego: I don't think so. And if you come any closer, your sidekick get bucked into the next county. Mr. Dr P: Can we do anything? Slim: No. Mr. Dr P: Afraid of that. Tweebs: Now! Shego: What?! Tim: No fair. Shego: Hiya! Ah ah ah. Kim: Oh, no. Kim: That's original. Ron: That was bad-dical! Joss: Thanks. Just doin' the Joss thing. Ron: Whoa, whoa! Huh? Shego: Huh? Kim: I'll take that. Ron: What did you say to it? Joss: Oh, nothin'. I just knew there was an off switch back here. Kim: See? I couldn't have done that. Shego: Dr. D., I'd say it's about time to vamoose. Drakken: We need something big to cover our escape. I've got it! Stampede! No, seriously, fellas. A stampede would be very helpful here. Shego: Allow me. Slim: Hmm.. that they're just dang weird. Kim: Dad! Ramesh: Possible? What's this all about? Mr. Dr P: Silly hats. Slim: Well, Squirt, did you work up an appetite? Mr. Dr P: Yes, I am hankerin' forsome grub, I'll tell you what. Slim: Maybe you're not such a tinhorn after all. Kim: Hey, where's Joss? Jim: Haven't seen her for a while. Tim: Me, neither. Mr. Dr P: She was bending Ronald's ear about something. Kim: Are you guys ready to eat? Kim: Oh, boy. Joss: Kim, I just figured out who the real hero is around here. Kim: Ron? Joss: Totally. Ron: It's hard to argue. Joss: Ron here is afraid of practically everything, but does he let his fears keep him from sidekickin'? Ron: I do not. Rufus: Atta boy! Joss: Let's face it, Kim. You can do anything. So facing all those dangers and villains, well, it's just like you say. No big. Kim: Well... I guess. Joss: A fella filled with that much fear always chargin' into action with you? Seems to me that's a true hero. Ron: I can tell she's a Possible. Smart as a whip, this kid.
