By wallaceb Girls: M-A-D D-O-G. That's how we spell victory. Go, Mad Dogs. Go, go, Mad Dogs. Go, Mad Dogs. Go, go, Mad Dogs Kim: We're number one! Okay! Great practice, team. Bonnie: Kim, can we chat? Kim: Sure, Bonnie. I have time for anyone on the squad. What's your ish? Bonnie: Well, it's really your ish. You seem tired. Kim: I did fly in from Abu Dhabi this morning. Rescued an ambassador. Bonnie: Which is... nice, but you gotta ask yourself, did you give the squad 110 percent today? Kim: 120 percent, Bonnie. Bonnie: I happen to think the squad deserves a captain who gives... like, 130! Kim: Someone like...? Bonnie: Me! Kim: Look, if you wanna make a play for captain, take it to the squad. If they want Bonnie instead of Kim, super for Bonnie. Bonnie: Go ahead, be little miss smug-mug, but I will be squad captain. Kim: I can't believe this! Ron: Believe it, KP they're cutting back on beans. Kim: sigh Rufus: yawn Ron: Rufus, I want an analysis of this burrito, stat. Rufus: Yum! Ron: Nothing invasive, just take a look around. I want a cheese- bean ratio. Rufus: Mmm-hmm! Kim: Ron! Have you been listening to a word I've said? Ron: "Bonnie has the nerve to challenge me, after all I've done for the squad? After all I've done for her? I can't believe this!" Close quote. Now, were you listening to my burrito problem? Hey! Rufus: Mmm, burrito! Kim: Bonnie's just wasting her time. She doesn't stand a chance. Ron: Be careful, Kim. She's tricky. Expect it to get dirty. Kim? Kim: Wow! Hey! Let me out! Let me out...! Okay, what's the sitch? Dr Director: Kim possible. Welcome. Kim: Welcome to where? Dr Director: To the Global Justice Network. Kim: GJ? No way! Dr Director: Affirmative way. I'm Dr. Director, head of GJ. This is Will Doo, our number one agent. Follow me. This is Professor Sylvan Green. In the 1960s, he developed a top secret missile defense project. Kim: The Sirenita Guided Missile Tracking System. Dr Director: Where did you get that information? Kim: Off the web. Dr Director: Oh. Uh... This is Professor Green
currently. Retired. Place of residence: Florida. Kim: And now he's disappeared. Dr Director: Yes. Was that on the internet, too? Kim: No, that was a guess. Dr Director: Kim, what would you say to helping agent Do find Professor Green? Kim: Does agent Doo talk? Will: 14 languages, 32 regional dialects. Kim: That's cool. I'm taking French. Um, this is a ferociously bad time for me. There's this girl at school, a major "all that" type, and really... Will: Dr. Director. Permission to speak freely. Dr Director: Granted. Will: This is an insult. I am a highly trained professional! She's... She's... an amateur! Kim: Okay... I'm in. Dr Director: Kim Possible, agent Doo, good luck. Ron: Man, I thought for sure Bonnie had taken you out of the picture. Kim: Oh, please. She didn't even show up for practice. Will: Miss possible, are you ready to assist me in my investigation? Kim: Assist you? No. Work with you as an equal, yeah. Ron: Yo-ha, bro-ha. Kim: What did you do to him? Will: Stopwatch. Temporary paralysis. Standard procedure for anyone who comes within one meter of my person. Kim: Oh, poor Rufus! Will: Note: Subject seems to keep hairless rodent in pant pocket. Kim: His name is Rufus, and he's a naked mole rat, Mr. I-know- everything. Will: Ah. Hydrocephalus glaber. Kim: Latin. Oy! Ron: Yo-ha, bro-ha! Right back at ya, dude. Kim: Come on, you two. Bonnie: Hi, K. Kim: Missed you at practice, B. Bonnie: I had to launch our new fundraiser. Kim: What? Fundraiser? Bonnie: I know your "world-saving" keeps you busy and all. You think maybe you could sell a box? Kim: Oh, chocolates. I could sell a box… easy. Bonnie: Super. Hoping to sell a few myself. Later. Kim: You know, she's only kidding herself. There's no way she's gonna sell all that. Let's just get on with the mission. Ron: Wait, KP Am I the only one taking the Bonnie problem seriously? Kim: The Bonnie problem is really no big. Ron: Kim, we cannot ignore the chocolate challenge. Kim: We? Ron: I'm here for you. Use me! Kim: As what? Ron: I'm a natural born seller. I have the gift of gab. Here. Allow me to demonstrate. Ron: Good day, sir. You look like a gentleman who enjoys the finer things in life. And what could be better than 1.9 ounces of rich, creamy chocolate? I got plain. Crispy? Peanut? Macadamia! It's for a good cause. cheerleaders. You like cheerleaders, don't ya? That's a bad example. No one can sell to that stiff. Rufus: Whoo! Ron: Except him. But he's naked. Mrs. Dr P: Hi, Kimmie. Who's your new friend? Will: Agent Will Do, ma'am. It's an honor to meet you Dr. Possible. Mrs. Dr P: You know me? Will: Your recent paper on the application of lasers and sub-cranial exploration was fascinating. And the
photograph did not do you justice. Mrs. Dr P: Invite him over more often. Kim: Mom, I've got to find a missing scientist. Mrs. Dr P: Good luck, Kimmie. Have fun, kids. Kim: Wade, did you get the data? Wade: Got it. A holographic simulation of the missing professor's home. Ron: Cool! Hey, Rufus. Wade's gone 3-D. Rufus: Hmm... Will: I already examined the crime scene. Kim: I haven't. Wade, enlarge the point of entry. Rufus: Whoa! Kim: Explosive method of entry. What's that? Wade: Can't tell. I'll isolate and enlarge. Kim: Good, now let's try to fill in the blanks. Wade: Running extrapolation routine. Ron: A golf ball? Will: Professor Green was retired. Many retired people golf. Kim: Wade, does Professor Green show up in any online discussion groups? Wade: Oh, yeah. Gardening, botany, experimental fertilizers. His lawn won the Blue Grass Ribbon three years in a row! Will: Goodbye, Wade. This is pointless. The man was obviously captured for his weapon system expertise. Kim: He was a weapons expert in the '60s. You can look up what he knows in the library. Will: Working with an amateur is clearly a waste of my time. Kim: I haven't even told you about the other trace element I detected at the scene. Will: What is it? Kim: Hyperactic acid, an experimental fertilizer. Black market only. Ron: Sounds like we need to visit the world headquarters for black market gardening supplies. Which would be where? Kim: If it's illegal, they sell it here. Ron: Forget sellers. We need buyers! Ya gotta move this merchandise to keep up with Bonnie. Kim: Bonnie is so not a threat. Come on. That's Big Daddy Brotherson. Every deal that goes down has his fingerprints all over it. Ron: Those are some big fingers. Will: Excuse me, amateurs. Are you Big Daddy? Big Daddy: That depends. Will: I've got no time for games. Big Daddy: That's too bad. I was going to suggest you and my friend play thud. Will: "Thud"? Ow! Big Daddy: I love that game. Kim: And I love it when I find out what I need to know. Like who's been in the market for hyperactic acid? Big Daddy: Miss, we have one rule in this establishment: Client confidentiality. Is that... milk chocolate? Kim: with chewy nougat. Duff Killigan. Ron: Who's that? Will: My GJ mobile database will tell us all about Killigan. Standard issue for all top agents. Kim: Kimmunicator. Extra special. Just for me. Duff Killigan. Born Scotland. Will: Former professional golfer. Ron: Uh... Guys? Will: Banned from every golf course in the world, even mini golf. Kim: For excessive displays of temper. Duff: Fore! Ron: Guys? Kim: Weapon of choice... Will: Exploding golf balls. Ron: Rufus, you okay? Rufus: Okay! Ron: Hey! You're paying for that. Will: It all fits. The exploded golf ball at the crime scene. The attack on us. Killigan's our man. Kim: Gee, ya think? Wade, we're after a rogue golfer named Duff Killigan. We need a location on his lair. Wade: Did you say rogue golfer? Kim: I know. Weird. Okay. I'm gonna go back to Middleton. See if Bonnie sold any of her chocolate. Kim: You sold them all?! Bonnie: To quote our previous squad captain, "no big." Kim: I'm not previous yet. Tara: Thanks to Bonnie, we got new uniforms! Aren't they badical? Bonnie: Better suit up, Kim. We're working on a new cheer. Kim: Don't tell me what to do. Wait... what new cheer? Bonnie: Mine. Kim: Bonnie does not work this hard. Something is up. Ron: Hey, Will, watch this. Pretty cool, huh? Will: If by "cool," you mean utterly repulsive, then yes, quite cool indeed. Ron: Nice one! So, can I ask you a question? Will: If you must. Ron: Do you do normal stuff, like go to school? Will: I'm tutored by some of the world's greatest minds. Ron: Tutored, huh? No shame in that. Even I needed a little extra help in math freshman year. Will: It's not because I'm remedial! Ron: Dude, it's cool. Will: You obviously don't understand. Ron: That'd be Wade. Better get Kim. Will: I'm not remedial! Bonnie: In case you're wondering Kim! That’s what giving 150 percent looks like. Kim: Careful, Bonnie. I hear when you hit 160, you spontaneously combust. Ron: K.P., we got a location on Duff Killigan. Bonnie: Don't worry, Kim. I'll handle everything here. Kim: Let's go. Bonnie is not this good. How could she have come up with that cheer? Ron: Somebody's tweaked. Kim: Am not. Wade, we need a ride. Wade: What tweaked you? Kim: I am not tweaked. Ride! Wade, how did you get... Oh. Will: The GJ hover-jet. Standard issue for all... top agents. Ladies first. Kim: Thanks. Ron: There it is. Killigan's island! What? Will: Killigan must want Green to build some kind of missile system. Kim: I don't think so. Green's green thumb's the key to all of this. Ron: Okay, now, see that door? That just screams dungeon.
Both: Good call. Kim: Killigan captures Professor Green, then he buys a ton of hyperactic acid. Which, by the way, Professor Green was experimenting with. Award-winning lawn! Ron: You mean, dude's invented some sort of super grass? There's something you don't see everyday. Kim: Ron, Will, quick! I found Professor Green. Professor Green, are you all right? Ron: Hang on. Professor Green: Thank you. Killigan trapped me in my own super fast-growing grass. Kim: Super grass. Huh. Really? Will: Professor Green, I'm agent Will Doo. We need to debrief on any weapon secrets Killigan may have acquired. Professor Green: Based on my work? He could find out anything he wanted about my weapons work in a public library. Will: Oh. Ron: Bonus question. What does Killigan want with super grass? Duff: Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! Kim: Duff Killigan is planning on covering the world in grass to create one giant golf course. Duff: My own personal golf course, lassie. Will: That's insane! Duff: Ooh, just see if you get tea time. Kim: Ah, ah! Ladies first. Duff: I knew you were good, lassie. Him I'm not so sure about. Kim: Mr. Killigan, put down the golf clubs. Duff: You'll have to pry them out of my cold, dead hands, you will. Fore! Oh, what a beautiful slice! You ruined my coat of arms! Kim: I'll put back what belongs to you when you put back what belongs to Professor Green. Duff: I cannot do it. I got plans for that formula! I'd love to play a round of sudden death, but I can't let the grass grow beneath my feet... yet. Ron: Suddenly, the whole world is full of holes that people just whoosh away in. Kim: Come on, he's getting away! There he is! Will: We've got to get to the hover-jet. Kim: Will... Wait! Will: What? He's getting away! Kim: You've got to be more careful. Killigan probably has the place booby-trapped. Ron: Try sand-trapped! Okay, whenever you two are ready. Will: What are you talking about? Ron: You both have a plan. So the sooner you guys fight over who has the best plan, the sooner we get outta here. Kim: Your hover-jet. It must have a remote command module or something. Will: Right. The RCM. Ron: Kim shoots, she scores! So where is this RCM? Will: I, uh, left it in the hover-jet. Kim: Rufus won't sink in the quicksand. Oh, I am so in the zone. Will: Impressive... for an amateur. Rufus: Huh? Ron: This actually feels kinda nice. Rufus! Will: Nice work, rodent. Kim: Ladies first. Will: Why must she constantly irk me? Ron: its hard not to. You're very irk able. Will: Professor, did Killigan... Kim: You! Keep your eyes on the road! Ron: So Prof, any ideas about Killigan's target? Professor Green: Oh, yes, he intends to strike at the first country where he was banned from a golf course… Japan. Duff: its pure dang brilliant! Kim: Killigan! Stop! Duff: Nay! Not until the Pacific Rim is my driving range! Will: Stupid, stupid Will! Ron: Play it off, dude. Kim can handle the grass man. Will: No. Prepare to eject. Ron: Okay, where do I sit... Ahhh! Ow! Duff: No one can dodge my short game! Are you daft, man? Ron: Maybe you gotta set it for local time. Kim: Ha! You missed! Duff: It's a wedge, lassie. It's got backspin! Ron: Kim! Kim: Huh. Duff: You're in trouble now, lassie. Kim: No, I'm not. You are. Duff: And how would that be? Kim: You've got dandelions. Duff: A wee weed? Ha! Kim: Sure. But see every one of these little cottony things? They're seeds, every one of them. Duff: Aye? So? Kim: So, make a wish. Duff: Oh, no! You're through now, lassie. Get this weed out of me mouthie! Kim: Should we have him arrested, or mowed? Will: I'll have GJ send in a defoliation team. Ron: Or you could just give the neighbor kid five bucks. Will: Humor. Amusing. Kim: Okay, bye, nice to meet you. Gotta get home to have another thorn removed from my side. Duff: Bonsai! Kim: Thanks. I gotta get one of those stopwatches. Will: Miss Possible... Uh, Kimberly... I owe you... an apology. Kim: I'm glad you're a big enough person to admit it. Will: You were of much assistance to me on this mission. Kim: Assistance? Did you not pay attention to anything that happened? Will: Farewell, Kim Possible. Kim: I do not believe that guy! He won't even consider that maybe someone else deserves some credit. Maybe somebody else is as good as him. Ron: Maybe better. Kim: Yes! Ron: We should get back to Middleton. Kim: You know, how hard is it to admit that somebody else is doing a great job? Ron: Seriously, Kim, we've gotta get back. You've got that whole Bonnie thing. Kim: Oh, and Bonnie? When will she just give it up? The fundraiser, the uniforms, the "new cheer." Ron: KP... Kim: You're right, Ron. We gotta go. Tara: Uh, I really think we should wait for Kim before we decide who's gonna be captain. Bonnie: She's gonna be, like, forever. I want this captain thing decided now! Kim: Relax, Bonnie. I'm back. Bonnie: Let's do it. Kim: Fine by me. I... vote for Bonnie as the new captain. Bonnie: You do? Kim: Well, the fundraising, the awesome uniforms and that new cheer? I've gotta admit, you rock. Bonnie: Really? Kim: So, all in favor of Bonnie? Girls: All right, Bonnie! Way to go! Kim: You've worked really hard for this. Bonnie: Yes! Glad that's over. Kim: Bonnie, you're the captain now! You do realize the hard work's just beginning? Bonnie: You're kidding, right? Kim: You know, suddenly I couldn't be happier for you. Ron: Captain Bonnie. Bonnie: I've gotta keep working hard?! This is so unfair! Ron: You count on the fact she'll only last a month? Kim: I give her two weeks, tops.
